\(^O^)/

[SUPER LONG POST AHEAD.]

ive been missing in action for 3 days and 2 nights.
for IFC'07.
it was fun.
hehe we did rock climbing, abseiling etc.
it was, weeeeell fun.
learnt alotof thgs.
LOL
this is kindof brief for a 3 days 2 night camp but im too tired.
so i shall update some time ltr.
alot ltr.

x
to A:

maybe this is what you mean by being the one that is not 'in'.
maybe this is what you mean by being the one that has friends, however the loneliest.
maybe this is what you mean by hvg people by your side, but none of them really ever know you.
maybe this is what you mean by screamg your lungs out however no one is able to really understand.
maybe, this is what you mean by being the odd one out.

people said that they are the odd one out.
however,
do they ever know the real meang of being the odd one out.

and definately,
being a loner doesn count.

what hurts the most is that,
hvg people you thought are the ones,
and being hurt by the people you thk are the ones.

im not saying that i understand how does it feel.
because i dont even know how i feel.

people have their best times in high school.
what about us?

do we even have a best time in our lifes now that we are in high sch?
maybe i had, maybe i dont.
at least for now,
im too tired to find out.
and i dont want to find out.

x
to B:
maybe i dont deserve it.
maybe this is what i shld be.
maybe im just like that.
maybe i shldnt even care.
maybe this is what that's meant to be.
maybe im just this asshole that is trying to do too much.
maybe you are the f-er that wants to know to much.
maybe we just didn find part of oursleves that is important.
maybe i have a little of this, and a wholeload of that.
maybe i wldnt even know.
maybe aft so many maybe,

maybe, i shld just give it up.

x
to C:

this is too much,
this is too little.
who is the right one?
you'd never know.
forever.

x
to D:
i shld just give up on you.

its such a dream.

'when you dream, thr's a chance you'll find, a lil' laughter, or happy ever aft.'
maybe.

but why isnt it happening to me?

regretful, trying to make up for it.
however, nvr got the chance,
nvr cherished that chance i have w you.

and i wld never get it anymore.

x
to E:
get a life.
f off.
please, w a polite note.

too many thgs to say,
too many maybe,
too many thgs to care.
when can i ever get my break?
maybe nvr.

some people matter.
and some, just aint worth it.

/edited.

i thk i have too many to care.
what's btr? facg it or runaway from it?
i cant understand what am i troubled over.
i cant understand why am i troubled.
i thk maybe this is why i need to be stronger.

i once said that
"maybe you just need to be stronger."
you are right,
it isnt easy to preach what you say.

i used to believe in myself.
the word is "used to".

somehow, im not too sure of myself anymore.

i have no whr else to rant,
no whr else to waste my time.

no whr else to really write down how i feel,

no whr else to really be able to record down everyth.

i have a bad memory.
i rmb the recent past,
and not most of the past.

but i wana keep the past.
just that i cant.

i really need to know,
what am i really thkg.

i thk im in this pre-teen stage of figurg myself out.
trying to figure,
who am i,
or what do i really want.

im not sure whether you've been through this,
but it isnt a good feelg.

people pass by you,
and forget about you,
but can you forget about yourself.

i hope i can.
but i cant.

i need more time to figure.
i need more time to thk.

i need people to guide me.
i need people to know me.

i want them to understand me,
i want them to appreciate me.

treat others like what they treat you.

bullshit. bullshit. bullshit.
be a hypocrite.

that's how people wld like you, love you.

im not angry, im not emo.
im just wonderg.

x
whn typing,
i feel that i make a lot of sense,
however,
when i read it,
i feel no sense in this self talkg.

and im sure you dont.