\(^O^)/

i realised that what ive meant by moodless,
is actually numb-ess.
or whatever you call that.

well, i still dont believe that anyone wld be moodless,
ever since i wrote that post.
however,
now i figured it out,
it seems that "numb" is the word that is happening in me.

everything has become such an "of course"
and half the time i dont even know what im dng.
life has been going on and on and on without me myself knowing what the hell is going on.

yes, numb.
numb to everyth.
numb to school.
numb to family.
numb to friends.

this is what scares me.
i really hate havg to live my life like that.
but i cant help it.
i need to do sthg.
but i don't know what cld i do.

im not happy.
and yet,
im not sad.
its been like that before.

maybe we shld learn to treat life optimistically.
but it is not easier than it sounnds.

what the hell is exactly wrong w me.

x

you once told me that i was irreplaceble.
you once told me that im the center of your life.
you once told me that without me, thr wldnt be you.
you once told me that it was i, that you lived.

what a pack of lies.
i now tell you that i was not irreplaceble, in fact, im so easily replaced. by the people that ive never dreamt of replacing me.
i now tell you that im not the center of you life. not the past not now not in the future. because in your life, thr is only you you you you and you. no me.
i now tell you that without me, thr wld still be you. because im not part of you. you cast me a side just w a blink of an eye. how hurtg is that?
i now tell you that it wasnt because of me that you lived, you lived because you wanna crush my world and make me break down.

isn't that all the truth?
isn't that what it has been all about?

its not all about me.
its all about you.

you blamed me for thgs that dont work out.
you blamed me for makg you what you are now.
you blamed me for letting the both of us suffer.
you blamed me for everyth and everyth.

and i was stupid enough to let you blame me.

then one day, i was malign by you,
thgs that ive never done.

and suddenly i see, crystal clearly.
that whats the problem w the both of us.

it was never me.
it was all about you you you you you you you you.

i cant believe that i cld be so blind.

and now,
i don't thk that we are even friends anymore.

i was never irreplaceble.
i was never the center of your life.
i was never the one that made you here.
and definitely,
i was never the reason that you lived.

whatever,
im numb to everyth.